The Season of Love

My momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

This famous movie line by Forrest Gump has etched its way into the consciousness of many since the movie bearing the same name as the lead character made its debut in 1994. But long before that, chocolate has always been the most popular gift item in addition to being a favorite bite now and then.

So it’s not surprising that we received a variety of chocolate during this festive season when gift exchange is at the top of everyone’s mind. And more, as borne out by the image below.

The stack of gifts, featuring a range of merchandise. The ribboned multi-storeyed boxes on the right, housing various sweet goodies of The Popcorn Factory, are from Brian and CY, guarded by the mascot of the home perched atop.

We seldom pay attention to the wrappers that come with gift items. The outside package perhaps, but definitely not the individual wrappers encapsulating the items within. However, some of us are more discerning, and do pay heed to little details, like those inside the box of Baci chocolate, a product of Italy, as noted by CE.

This is on the front, two wrapped chocolates placed on the left and the opened wrappers, at the top.

This is the inside flap, chocolate wrapped in love literally (as in words), and symbolically (the two chocolates seated on opposite corners).

Each individual chocolate wrapper contains a popular saying, centered around the universal theme of love. Therefore, in addition to enjoying the mouth-watering delights, one is also immersed in the gushing flow of love evoked by the laconic statements on relationships. Creativity is in the air, as it unfolds in a box of chocolate, pleasant surprises unraveled, a fitting analogy for life.

Here are some samples:

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao –Tzu, Chinese Philosopher

To love a person is to learn the song in his/her heart.
Anonymous

He who gives immediately gives twice.
Proverb

The most praise-worthy deeds are those that remain hidden.
Blaise Pascal, French mathematician

Love is sudden revelation, a kiss is always a discovery.
Oscar Wilde, Irish playwright/poet

We’ve spoken a lot about love. Now lets’ try to listen to it, shall we?
Anonymous

From Inter-generational Rapport to Inter-personal Relations

While dropping our S off at UF yesterday at the conclusion of his spring break, he introduced his future (as in the coming fall) roommate, Charles, to us. Charles hails from Orlando and is a pre-med freshman. So we took the opportunity to elicit from him some first-hand information on the requirements and course loads for enrolling in the pre-med program, the GPA and the Medical College Admission Test (MCAT) requirements to get into the medicine program eventually, and some recommended plan of attack. Charles, seen here to the left, was of course most helpful. Thanks, Charles.

Then we visited our old friend, Lin, and his family, who have made Gainesville their home after graduating from UF. It so happened that his son, Edward, a UF undergraduate, was there too. Edward was a childhood friend of our D at Oregon, when both Lin’s family and mine were staying at Corry Village back in the early 1990s.

As is the case with the mother of William Poy Lee as blogged here, Lin has tried to bring up his son, Edward, as a Chinese at heart. Also as with most Asian parents, he has great expectations for Edward, and in the process, may have been over-zealous in proscribing how Edward should prepare to seek out his career path. On the other hand, Edward, being educated through the American system that emphasizes thinking on one’s own, has his personal way of visualizing his future, and would like to strike out the way he deems fit.

That the two paths, spawned by inter-generational differences in worldview, are seldom in congruence is not necessarily surprising, nor is it decidedly undesirable, provided the line of communication continues to be open, and the tone of exchange frank and respectful, each trying to understand the other better.

Being a father myself, I know it’s difficult to acquiesce to our children (they always are in our eyes though they may be young adults)’s point of view, especially when we are convinced that we have seen more than they have had the opportunity to be exposed to, and, hence, know what’s best for them (or rather our version of them). But sometimes we just have to step aside and let them lead their lives, and let them make their fair share of mistakes (hopefully, nothing that would be unduly consequential). But only after we have said what we have to say, not out of the urge to control/dictate, but out of our love for them and bringing to bear the benefits of our experience. Otherwise, we would have failed in our duty both as a father and as a friend to our children.

Through his interactions, sometimes perhaps less than amicable, with Edward, Lin has come to realize that his tendency to talk down to his son may not have helped matters. So he has written using Chinese calligraphy a couplet that would serve to remind him of the need to be careful with his words and to maintain poise as shown here.

Similar in spirit are the following sage advice from Deepak Chopra, whom I’ve blogged earlier here, as excerpted from an interview that appeared in today’s Tampa Tribune (Baylife, p. 1 and 6):

On self improvement:
Anything you do, any choice you make, make it out of love. The best way you can feel good about yourself is to make someone else feel good.

On his successful marriage of 36 years (or any relationship between human beings, I would add): Complete abandonment of trying to control or manipulate the other person. Concentrate on affection, attention, appreciation, gratitude, love, and compassion.

May we all take the above to heart and make this world a better place for all.

Finding Love Beyond the Shore

It used to be that marrying beyond one’s village was taboo. Blood had been shed in the name of upholding the honor of the village. Then as the world grew smaller, facilitated by improved transportation network first and then later, communication network, people of different backgrounds and cultures began to mingle and something got to give: the imaginary barriers that straightjacketed people into different molds based on ethnicity, religion, culture, and a myriad of other nebulous notions.

Love began to blossom sporadically across these barriers. In the name of love, these brave souls dared to put their faith in each other to the test, sometimes with costly/deadly consequences that we only read about.

With time, marrying across village boundaries were less frowned upon. Then across county, province, state, and eventually race, culture, religion, and nation, one by one love conquers them all.

Admittedly, time has changed. So do social norms and mores. But some aspects do so at a much slower rate. We may discard the traditional garb for the western suits, but inter-racial couples are still a rarity, back in Malaysia that is.

So far I have only one non-Chinese brother-in-law, on my wife side. And that is about to change, very soon. Actually the sign was already on the wall for quite some time; it’s the solemnization of the occasion that is a matter of days away.

Both my wife and I are open-minded parents, harbouring no prejudice against any human being. There are only good and bad human beings, and those in the latter category are merely temporarily lost souls who need guidance to be brought back to the right path according to Buddhist teaching.

When we made the move to send our children to US to study, we are under no illusion that they will restrict saying wedding vows to those in the same ethnic group, Chinese, or from Malaysia for that matter.

We have to trust them to make their own choice of the other significant half, believing that our incessant drilling of morally defensible thoughts into them, our constant dispensation of well-intentioned guidance, and most important, our own steadfast adherence to leading an ethically upright life, will equip them with the capacity and capability to see through the facades that people tend to put up, some with malice, and see them for who they are.

And if in the process some sparks fly, some paths coalesce, then so be it. The union of two souls, while started from a chanced encounter, is continuously nourished through contacts as they get to know each other better. And when the thinking meshes in more ways than one, when the little irritations born of idiosyncrasy are endured, and when the seeming chasm of cultural disparity is bridged, by a crossing that is founded on a solid understanding of each other’s goals in life and underpinned by a lifelong commitment to staying together to face life’s challenges, then we offer our blessings to them, with the proviso that they would always count on us to be there when needed, anytime.

Welcome to the family, Dan.

From Butt to Bucs

Getting one’s own to read one’s blog, let alone comment, can be quite a demanding undertaking. Apparently no children like a dad who “spills his guts” in the open. Who knows, he may end up as a laughing stock, a juicy bit of fodder for after school banter or worse still, online gossip. So their reaction can range from one of feeling embarrassed to “That’s weird”.

So in my own way, I’ve been trying my level best to inject humor, to brag about their achievements, and to demonstrate PDA/PSA in order to get their attention. None worked. So I turned to reverse psychology, be an agent provocateur. Just read the comments on my previous blog, So You Think Only You Shop at WalMart, to see how that piece of brilliant strategy turned out.

But seriously, I know my children. They are all fine kids. I don’t have to resort to chicanery to find out how they feel about their old man’s blogging, or any other thing for that matter. Things may have been different a decade ago when they were young and didn’t know better. But as young adults today, they certainly have come of age. So this pleasant surprise has been a long time in the making.

The Bucs finally broke the Duck. While I have yet to become a full-blooded Bucs fan, I guess I have to root for the hometown team anyway. I watched the last few minutes of live telecast of the Bucs-and-Bengals’ game where it mattered the most. Boy was I glad I watched the game then as Clayton’s touchdown, his entire body levitated just inches above and parallel to the ground with his hand fully extended with the football just beyond the goal line, was almost dreamlike. And then I was at the edge of my seat during the entire last 35 seconds when the Bengals threatened to advance within field goal range. So that’s a pleasant surprise to the nth degree bordering on ecstasy even though I thought the Bucs should have won last week at New Orleans when Bruce Gradkowski had a near flawless game.

Oh, PDA/PSA = public display/show of affection, a no-no for today's kids. It's so very uncool.