From Inter-generational Rapport to Inter-personal Relations

While dropping our S off at UF yesterday at the conclusion of his spring break, he introduced his future (as in the coming fall) roommate, Charles, to us. Charles hails from Orlando and is a pre-med freshman. So we took the opportunity to elicit from him some first-hand information on the requirements and course loads for enrolling in the pre-med program, the GPA and the Medical College Admission Test (MCAT) requirements to get into the medicine program eventually, and some recommended plan of attack. Charles, seen here to the left, was of course most helpful. Thanks, Charles.

Then we visited our old friend, Lin, and his family, who have made Gainesville their home after graduating from UF. It so happened that his son, Edward, a UF undergraduate, was there too. Edward was a childhood friend of our D at Oregon, when both Lin’s family and mine were staying at Corry Village back in the early 1990s.

As is the case with the mother of William Poy Lee as blogged here, Lin has tried to bring up his son, Edward, as a Chinese at heart. Also as with most Asian parents, he has great expectations for Edward, and in the process, may have been over-zealous in proscribing how Edward should prepare to seek out his career path. On the other hand, Edward, being educated through the American system that emphasizes thinking on one’s own, has his personal way of visualizing his future, and would like to strike out the way he deems fit.

That the two paths, spawned by inter-generational differences in worldview, are seldom in congruence is not necessarily surprising, nor is it decidedly undesirable, provided the line of communication continues to be open, and the tone of exchange frank and respectful, each trying to understand the other better.

Being a father myself, I know it’s difficult to acquiesce to our children (they always are in our eyes though they may be young adults)’s point of view, especially when we are convinced that we have seen more than they have had the opportunity to be exposed to, and, hence, know what’s best for them (or rather our version of them). But sometimes we just have to step aside and let them lead their lives, and let them make their fair share of mistakes (hopefully, nothing that would be unduly consequential). But only after we have said what we have to say, not out of the urge to control/dictate, but out of our love for them and bringing to bear the benefits of our experience. Otherwise, we would have failed in our duty both as a father and as a friend to our children.

Through his interactions, sometimes perhaps less than amicable, with Edward, Lin has come to realize that his tendency to talk down to his son may not have helped matters. So he has written using Chinese calligraphy a couplet that would serve to remind him of the need to be careful with his words and to maintain poise as shown here.

Similar in spirit are the following sage advice from Deepak Chopra, whom I’ve blogged earlier here, as excerpted from an interview that appeared in today’s Tampa Tribune (Baylife, p. 1 and 6):

On self improvement:
Anything you do, any choice you make, make it out of love. The best way you can feel good about yourself is to make someone else feel good.

On his successful marriage of 36 years (or any relationship between human beings, I would add): Complete abandonment of trying to control or manipulate the other person. Concentrate on affection, attention, appreciation, gratitude, love, and compassion.

May we all take the above to heart and make this world a better place for all.

Wonders of the World: The Old, The New, and The Vote

I wonder how many of the Seven Wonders of the World (the ancient one that is) we can recall. For me, only two: The Pyramids of Egypt and the Hanging Gardens of Babylon. Lest you launch yourself into a futile memory scouring operation, here are the remaining five, courtesy of the news story entitled “List down to 21 Candidates to be New World Wonders” in today’s issue of Tampa Tribune (pg. 4 of the Travel section):

The Statue of Zeus at Olympia
The Temple of Artemis at Ephesus
The Mausoleum of Halicarnassus
The Colossus of Rhodes
The Pharoh lighthouse off Alexandria.

Only the Pyramids survive today. Now there is a global effort to name the Seven Wonders of the present-day at the New 7 Wonders website. However, if you wish to nominate your dream wonders for consideration, you are out of luck, or rather too late, for the list has been pared down to the final 21 as displayed on the site.

On the other hand, you still have a say as to what the final Magnificent Seven would be, by popular vote. And everyone has a right to exercise his/her voting right in this only trans-boundary democratic election. The result will be announced on, when else, the only triple sevens of this millennium: 7.7.2007.

So browse through the individual description of each of the 21 candidates already prepared for you, complete with a brief history, its significance, and a two-word symbolism, and take your pick. Better still, visit the sites to gain a first-hand account if you have the wherewithal in order to make an informed decision.

Here I’ve taken the liberty to list, in alphabetical order (as is done at the site), the 21 candidate sites, just to whet your appetite:

• The Acropolis of Athens (450 - 330 B.C.), Athens, Greece (Civilization and Democracy)


• Alhambra (12th century) Granada, Spain (Dignity and Dialog)


• Angkor (12th century) Cambodia (Beauty and Sanctity)


• The Pyramid at Chichén Itzá (before 800 A.D.) Yucatan Peninsula, Mexico (Worship and Knowledge)


• Christ Redeemer (1931) Rio de Janeiro, Brazil (Welcoming and Openness)


• The Roman Colosseum (70 - 82 A.D.) Rome, Italy (Joy and Suffering)


• Statues of Easter Island (10th - 16th Century) Easter Island, Chile (Mystery and Awe)


• The Eiffel Tower (1887 - 89) Paris, France (Challenge and Progress)


• The Great Wall of China (220 B.C and 1368 - 1644 A.D.) China (Perseverance and Persistence)


• The Hagia Sophia (532 - 537 A.D.) Istanbul, Turkey (Faith and Respect)


• The Kiyomizu Temple (749 - 1855) Kyoto, Japan (Clarity and Serenity)


• he Kremlin and Red Square (1156 - 1850) Moscow, Russia (Fortitude and Symbolism)


• Machu Picchu (1460-1470), Peru (Community and Dedication)


• Neuschwanstein Castle (1869 -1884) Schwangau, Germany (Fantasy and Imagination)


• Petra (9 B.C. - 40 A.D.), Jordan (Engineering and Protection)


• The Pyramids of Giza (2600 - 2500 B.C), Egypt (Immortality and Eternity)


• The Statue of Liberty (1886) New York City, U.S.A. (Generosity and Hope)


• Stonehenge (3000 B.C. - 1600 B.C.) Amesbury, United Kingdom (Intrigue and Endurance)


• Sydney Opera House (1954 - 73) Sydney, Australia (Abstraction and Creativity)


• The Taj Mahal (1630 A.D.) Agra, India (Love and Passion)


• Timbuktu (12th century) Mali (Intellect and Mysticism)

At a glance, you will note that each of the five inhabited continents is represented, from the oldest (3000 B.C. – 1600 B.C.) to the youngest (1954 – 73). Some have religious connotations, one of which is a Buddhist Temple (the Kiyomizu Temple, or the Clear Water Temple).

At the risk of being seen as biased, I think the Kiyomizu Temple will be one of my choices. And its two-word symbolism is most appropriate indeed, both clarity and serenity being the necessary ingredients for enlightenment on the path to Buddhahood.

The remaining six will be picked on the basis of at least one from each continent as in my book, no continent/country has monopoly over earthly wonders. But that's me. The important thing is to exercise your voting right as every vote counts. So, let your finger do the walking but your head to do the voting.

And that is my pleasantly surprising find of the day.

Charity Starts at Home

We always have a soft spot in our hearts for people who are less fortunate. While many of us are unable to offer personal assistance, we are nevertheless generous in our offer of financial assistance in the form of monetary donations. Thus was born an industry unto itself: charities. These are not-for-profit organizations staffed full-time by professionals who garner donations and channel them to various foundations that need funds to provide for the poor/handicapped/needy. In most cases, a certain portion of the proceeds is used to sustain this intermediary role. And that proportion can, and does, vary from charity to charity.

Recently, the Tampa Tribute, in their Oct 8, 2006 edition, reported on the results of an "investigation based on public records requests and an analysis of state and federal financial records" under the news heading “Cause for Misgivings”. Among the findings are:

• Of the 20 major charities in Florida that rank the worst in terms of using donations to help the needy, 18 say they help police officers, veterans or other public servants. Those groups - including several based in the Bay area - took in more than $24 million last year and used just $20 of every $100 in donations to help the needy. The majority of the money went to for-profit fundraisers.
• An efficient charity spends no more than 25 percent of revenue on fundraising and administration, according to federal guidelines.
• Analysis of the state's database shows that thousands of charities do good work with minimal fundraising or administrative costs - relying instead on volunteers and community-based fundraising, not telemarketing.

All in all, the results can be considered as a mixed bag. While there is certainly cause for misgivings, that should not deter us from continuing the charitable streak in us. Instead, we should be circumspect as statements such as "all proceeds will go to the charity" can mean that only the donations net of administrative and fundraising expenses would trickle down to the recipients.

With the advent of the Internet, similar charity organizations, the click version, have sprung up. I have described one of them, Goodtree, previously in my blog (see here). An anonymous comment to my blog pointed out that perhaps the intention of Goodtree could be less than noble and that its search capability certainly does not qualify as “being having the best of the best serves you” as I have described it.

So I did something that I should have done before I blogged on my supposedly great find: I goggled Goodtree. And look what I found: an evaluation of GoodSearch vs Goodtree.

I don’t know about you but I have already decided to switch to GoodSearch and also pick the charities I would like to contribute to with open eyes from now on. We all have finite resources and should therefore channel them to causes that would result in the loudest bang. My brother put it best: The softness of the heart must be matched with the hardness of the head to avoid pseudo-charities or for profit charities.

The moral of the story is do your due diligence, be it a brick or click outfit, and do not be afraid to change your option when what is claimed does not fit the bill or when a better alternative comes along.

And today's pleasant surprise is made possible by the efforts of the Tampa Tribune, the anonymous commentator, my brother, and Goodsearch.